Just another lullaby

I don't pretend to be a great writer. I write because it is my journal and my release, and I write publicly because I hope that somehow anything or something I say might resonate with even one single person.

But sometimes I don't really bare it all, those deepest feelings of pain and fear, sometimes I hold those a little tighter.

Who is that crazy lady?

Someone might see me at times and think, "Just who is that crazy lady?" It might be when I'm singing the Barney song and adding my own little dance or when I'm pulling the imaginary horn in a chair choo-choo on the hospital stage.

I'm the crazy lady who's learning to live it like I mean it.

Omniscient grace

Sometimes we learn amazing lessons about God from our children. Unconditional love. Instant forgiveness. Pure joy.

But sometimes God uses our own words to our children to teach us.

We have a baby monitor to hear our kids at night. All three of our boys share a room and it lets us hear the fights and the early morning wake-ups lest Case wander outside, opening the garage and front doors, as he's wont to do.

Who am I? I am...

Who am I?

I've always had many answers for that question.

At different points in my life and in different conversations, I would have said:

Getting nothing done?

I often lie in bed at night and either think to myself or say aloud to my husband “I got absolutely nothing done today.” It is usually because something unexpected happened – a snow day, one of the kids is sick, several phone calls from case workers or insurance problems.

I have a list. I work from my list. I check things off my list. I even have a master list and a daily list. And an online list.

I'll take Blessed, with a side of MPS

I often say that I wouldn't wish MPS on anyone else. The heartache, the initial despair, the sorrow that somehow something you did brought this horror on your family, the gut wrenching sobbing that makes you throw up before you ever get a normal breath back.

No. Of course I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

But when balanced against the blessings and miracles and wonderful people that MPS brings, then again, maybe I would.

If I could reorder our world, would I create it any differently?