Proud resident of Chaos, Tennessee

A dirty shirt still 20 feet from the laundry basket. The matching pants 10 feet further, still inside out.

A toy that will pierce the bottom of your foot. Next to one that's broken because it already has.

A few crumbs on the floor... well, a lot of crumbs. 

Even more crumbs next to an uneven stain of old milk that didn't get cleaned up fast enough.

Crusty dishes.

Dirty carpet.

Piles of laundry.

Down the hallway is that bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in six months.

Boys.

Bugs.

Dirt.

Chaos.

That's where I live.

Chaos, Tennessee.

As a confessed ex-perfectionist who liked the toys put away and the carpet vacuumed just so (although I'll confess that I never was one for making my bed), you can imagine my inner struggle with the current state of affairs.

Ever since Case's diagnosis four years ago and especially after my arm injury a year later, things have slowly dissolved from order to chaos in my home.

Some might say that your surroundings reflect the perspective of your mind, suggesting that I might feel anxious or chaotic because my home exists as such.

But it is quite the opposite.

While I can't say I'm *in love* with home chaos, God has used it to slowly chip away at my need for earthly order at the expense of heavenly grace.

Earthly chaos, in fact, serves as a constant reminder of where my eternal peace, order, and rest can be found:

My soul finds rest in God alone. 

My salvation comes from Him. 

He alone is my rock and my salvation. 

He is my fortress; I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2.

So if you're living in chaos, let me encourage you that God cares more about order of your heart than the order of your house.

 

Are you living in chaos? Where do you look to find your peace?

Or are you living in order? Is that order at the expense of heavenly grace?

 

Every.Single.Soul.

I was sitting in a terminal of Chicago Midway airport, surrounded by throngs of people preparing to visit family, take a vacation, or travel for work, when I had an unremarkable epiphany.

God cares about every...single...soul...here. Every one.

Not only that, He cares about every thought, feeling, worry, prayer, experience, heartache, and fear of every...single...soul...here.

As I sat with my fellow passengers at gates 20-26, I thought about what it would be like to care about every person in this area. There are hundreds. And to know about and care about their heart, their life, their eternal soul. I was overwhelmed. Just following the phone conversations of the five people surrounding me was making my head swim.

And these throngs of people also know and interact with so many other people.

And then multiply those people, their thoughts, hopes, dreams, cares, and fears

by

the

WORLD.

Then add the animals, all the species, their natures, their feeding, their offspring.

Then add the physical happenings of the world. The weather, the dew, the tides, the rotations of the planets.

God is so vast. His understanding is so awesome. His power is so magnificent. His love is so great.

I cannot comprehend the nature of God. And I am totally fine with that. In fact, I'm in awe of that.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

What makes you realize the vastness of God?

I'm No Angel

God never gives you more than you can handle. 

If I've heard that phrase once, I've heard it a thousand times. As if God created me with some extraordinary amount of patience, hope, perseverance, and strength. 

Sometimes people think that parents of children with special needs or terminal illnesses were hand selected by God because they were particularly worthy and able of enduring the hardship in such circumstances. That we're somehow more perfect, more faithful, or more "Christian."

That is so far from the truth. 

I am so incredibly flawed that it would probably shock most of you. I'm selfish. I'm prideful. I complain. I whine. I yell at my kids (shocking, I know).

I would love to be one of those moms written about in blogs shared to over a million readers, moms who have given up hurrying... or yelling... or let's throw it all in, given up all heartache.

But that's not so easy in our world. 

Sometimes I daydream that I could go to Hawaii on a whim and leave all these responsibilities and cares behind (at least for awhile!). Does that shock you?

God never gives you more than you can handle. 

Frankly, I think that line is really just a bunch of bull. That's just me being honest here. 

This life is more than I can handle. 

The truth is that often God gives us way more than we could ever possibly handle on our own. Enough that we feel buried six feet under in a pit so deep that we can't see the sun shining over the top.  And all the while, the dirt is crumbling down the walls every time you try to climb out or sometimes, even if you don't.

The risk of being buried alive creates an anxiety, a tightness in your chest that threatens to overwhelm you and even steal your ability to breathe before the pit itself overtakes you.

That sure feels like more than I can handle. 

I can describe it so well because I've been there. Have you? The pit is a dark place in which few have sat with me because you can't invite them. They have to have arrived in that pit of their own accord and only then, can you choose to sit together. And to possibly help each other out. 

But it is still more than one alone or two together can handle. God does give you more than you can handle.   

That's how you realize how much you need Him. 

If my life wasn't overwhelmingly more than I could possibly handle, physically, emotionally, logistically, every single day, would I go to him every morning for His strength, wisdom, comfort, and peace?

I'd like to think so. But He knows so much better than me, because He's made it my reality that I realize every single day how much I need Him.

And for that, I have to be thankful.   

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 
Isaiah 40:29

•  
• My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.  
• Psalm 119:28
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What in your life has caused you to realize how much you need God every single day?